Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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