Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
