Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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