escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sober January is a disaster.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
