I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
