dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
