Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
