What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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