Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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