You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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