She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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