you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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