you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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