giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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