Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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