he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
