I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
love makes seman taste better
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
