Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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