My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
