It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
