alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
