If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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