Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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