I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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