I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize