So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
