I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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