I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
