What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
