I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
