Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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