she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
