Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
