me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
