Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
