she was so not down for the gang bang
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
