she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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