Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
