I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
