Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i've created a new STD.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
