Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
