): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
