Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
