That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
