Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
