she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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