Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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