dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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