A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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