My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
