flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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