But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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