i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
