I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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