worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
