I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
