i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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