I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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