I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
