Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dick very happy bro
Just puked most of my soul out..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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