Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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