dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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