dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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