This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
