Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
