So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
