I want to walk on stilts...naked
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?