Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.