My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.