Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dating After Heartbreak
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin