Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
