Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to make out with him forever
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
