yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
