Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
