i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
