Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
