I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
