whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't deserve a penis
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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