have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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