I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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